Hammer & Fail
by Working Class Wildcard
Summary: Will, Jimmy, and Johnny try to fix up their apartment... from scratch. Oh dear. Two-shot. Rated T for language. R&R! Enjoy!


**A/N: Hey guys hey! I'm back from my hiatus with a little two-shot inspired by the supermegafoxyawesomehot Eddsworld. And yes, that _was _a Starkid reference. Problem?**

**Also, I just used the cast members names for their nemeses. I am very lazy.**

**Disclaimer: ME NO OWN. Le cry!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

*at the SaintJesus apartment, Will and Jimmy eating Captain Crunch*

Will: *awkwardly picks up spoon* So…

Jimmy: *NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM*

Will: _Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah… _this is why we don't hang out, isn't it?

*door slams*

Jimmy: Fucker. *keeps eating*

Johnny: Hey guys! Look what I found! *holds up dirty Fishnet Leg Lamp* I can't believe someone was going to throw this away!

Will: Uh… what _is _it?

Johnny: I think it might be an antique!

Will: I think it might be a hat rack.

Johnny: It looks valuable!

Jimmy: *mouth full* It looks like shit.

Johnny: I can't wait to-*rage-face* This is the single best thing I have seen in forty three minutes. Do not insult it, James.

Jimmy: Piss off.

Will: Well, whatever it is, it can go in your room with the rest of your trash. No go on, Johnny, before Jimmy gets his cereal all over you.

Johnny: *walking away* Jackasses. They never like any of the cool things I find…*opens door and wave of junk falls out on top of him* Oh no! KARMA!

Will: Huh. Looks like we need some more space around here.

Jimmy: Well, the only _logical_ thing to do is add an extra floor onto the house.

Johnny: Good idea, Susan, but don't we live in an apartment?

Jimmy: *shun*

Will: Actually, that's not a bad idea. We could hire some builders and get them to…

*Johnny and Jimmy in hardhats with hammers*

Will: You do realize that none of us have ever done this before, right? And we have absolutely no idea as to what we're doing when it comes to this?

Johnny: I'm a fast learner!

Jimmy: And I can do anything! Besides, we can't risk having anyone in the house with the stash back in my room. Especially not some over-weight forty year olds in jumpsuits.

Will: I dunno. The girls are gonna be pissed…

Jimmy: Wow, Heather has you so whipped that even when she leaves you for some douchebag rock star, you _still _worry about how she's going to react. Does she keep your balls in her tampon pouch, too?

Will: Shut it! Look, if I say yes, will you both shut up for more than five minutes?

Johnny: No promises.

Will: Fine. Just be careful, and-no, wait! What are you doing with that hammer?

*_CRASH!*_

* * *

*Johnny, Jimmy, and Will outside*

Will: Alright, I have some vague blueprints here. That should at least get us started. *opens blueprints* And here's the checklist.

Jimmy: Looks like we have everything we need except nails.

Will: Yup. Hey Johnny, could you go and get some nails from the store?

*silence*

Will: Johnny?

Johnny: *juggling chainsaws* AND I SAID: LOOK WILL, TWO HANDS! And no, darling. I don't dance.

Will: Johnny!

Johnny: Fine! I'm going, gawsh. *walks away*

Random Voice: Well look who it is, boys. The enemies of Avenue A.

Will: *sigh* What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And what do you want, Michael?

*Michael, Tony, and John walk up*

Michael: *smirks* Nothing. Just wondering what idiotic scheme you losers came up with this time.

Jimmy: Oh shove it up your ass, tight-wad! No one wants you and your cancer patient of a sidekick around here.

Tony: Your one to talk, side hawk!

Jimmy: Oh look, the cue ball can rhyme!

Will: Jimmy, chill. If you _must _know, we're adding an extension to our apartment.

John: Pfft, we did that last week.

*points to decked out apartment across the street*

Tony: It took us, what? A couple of hours?

John: And that's being generous.

Michael: It's probably what inspired you to do yours.

Will: Actually, it's cause Johnny had too much shi-

Michael: Anyway, we'd love to stay and watch you guys fail, but we got better things to do.

Tony: We do…? Oh, OH YEAH, _real_ better things. Peace out, suckers.

Michael: *walking away* God, you're such a dumbass.

Tunny: *coming down the steps* Hey, what did our neigh-BORES want? *holds up hand for high-five*

Jimmy: Tunny, just… get the fuck out of this fic.

Tunny: WAAH?

Will: GO! We don't need your crippled ass here.

Tunny: Fuck off and die. I'll see you two at dinner. *leaves*

Jimmy: Hey Emo Grover? How do I work this thing? *holds up paint brush*

Will: *face palm* This is going to be harder than I thought.

* * *

*at the hardware store*

Johnny: *pushing shopping cart* Now to find the thing I've completely forgotten.

*thought bubble*

Will: Johnny, I need you to take this money and buy ANYTHING THAT ISN'T NAILS.

Jimmy: Also, Johnny, you're delicious and hot and sweet and sexy and will you marry me?

Johnny: YES! OH JAMATHON!

All: Hooray for Jesus!

Will: Oh, and can you remember to get nai-

*pop*

Johnny: I know just what to do.

* * *

*back outside the apartment*

Will: Good, Johnny's back. Hey dude, did you get the…*looks in bag full of marshmallows* …Johnny.

Johnny: Hm?

Will: Where are the nails?

Johnny: Oh, yeah, they were…out of nails! Or something…

Will: Fine. I guess we'll just have to make due with these for now.

Jimmy: Okay, so what's next on the list?

Will: *reading* Uh, obligatory building montage.

Johnny: *sigh* I'll get the music.

*_Wooooooooooooooooooah, nails and building, hammer and saw! Through the roof and out the WAAH! Doing stuff in this fashion such as this using music and random images of work to move along the plot line without wasting time even though it really doesn't work in a story~*_

*all three looking up at apartment*

Will: Looks like it's finished.

Jimmy: Uh, it looks like we threw bags of trash up there, nailed the huge pile to the roof, and let it rot in the Sun for three hours while we shot up.

Johnny: *up in trash fort* Well, if I have to give it some constructive criticism, I'd say that this is the best thing created by anyone ever!

Michael: *appears out of nowhere with gang* Well, it's certainly an improvement. Nice roof you got there!

Tony: But it seems a little too…_ trashy_, for my taste.

Jimmy: I will wrap you in toilet paper and use you to wipe my ass.

Tony: You will not!

Jimmy: Will too!

Will: Don't start this again! The last time you did that we couldn't get you to stop for two days!

Michael: Whatever. Let's beat it before we catch their stupid. *walks off*

Will: That's it. *picks up phone* Hello, Insta-Roof? Yeah, we're at 226 East 12th Street. Thanks.

Jimmy: What'd they-

*helicopter holding roof drops it on apartment*

Jimmy: Oh-kay then.

*the two walk up*

Will: It's a good thing we put those stairs in already of Johnny would have been-

*Johnny lying in bloody pile on floor*

Will: …crushed.

Jimmy: So, who's for putting Johnny and all his shit up in the attic?

Will: ME!

Johnny: *dazed* I second the motion!

Will: That's settled. We'll move it up here tonight.

* * *

*at night, Johnny in attic with junk*

Jonny: Well, I guess it's time to call it a night. *sleeps*

Creepy Voice in the Dark: *growls* _Johnny!_

Johnny: AH! NOT THE FACE!

* * *

*downstairs in Will's room*

Johnny: *upstairs* OH GOD, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! AHHHHHHHH!

Will: *covers head with pillow* Ugh, I thought I was done with this when I left my parent's house!

* * *

**To Be Continued**


End file.
